27 Totally Inappropriate Tweets That Will Make You LOL But Also Realize You’re Going To Hell | Tech

1.

We’re not here to kinkshame, but maybe the New York City subway system took things a little too far here:

2.

This play on words that is too funny not to laugh at:

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

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3.

When you get a new pet under “interesting” circumstances:

5.

This truth that may or may not apply to you:

6.

This episode pitch forQueer Eyeis so absurd it will make you chuckle, at the very least:

I want the Queer Eye guys to come to my apartment and just beat the absolute shit out of me

I want the Queer Eye guys to come to my apartment and just beat the absolute shit out of me

7.

Bet you didn’t see where this tweet was going:

“toxic” is such a meaningless word now. made a dodgy joke in 1998? you’re toxic. forgot to say “bless you” after someone sneezed? you’re toxic. the taste of your lips i’m on a ride? you’re toxic i’m slippin’ under

“toxic” is such a meaningless word now. made a dodgy joke in 1998? you’re toxic. forgot to say “bless you” after someone sneezed? you’re toxic. the taste of your lips i’m on a ride? you’re toxic i’m slippin’ under

8.

This seriously metal idea for a Happily Ever After:

9.

When your brain turns to mush because you’ve spent too much time online:

when i successfully persuaded my toddler to brush his teeth i said

when i successfully persuaded my toddler to brush his teeth i said “we stan a minty legend” because twitter has destroyed my brain

10.

Seriously, this is most of us if we ever committed a crime:

judge: how do u plead? spill the tea sis😌 defendant: all tea all shade? i hid the body😌💅🏼 judge: omg sis ur cancelled and that’s that on THAT😌💋

judge: how do u plead? spill the tea sis😌

defendant: all tea all shade? i hid the body😌💅🏼

judge: omg sis ur cancelled and that’s that on THAT😌💋

12.

Just try to picture this scenario without cracking up:

[during sex] her: i want you to hurt me me: your sister’s more successful than you her: wait me: not a big fan of the new haircut her: stop
[during sex]

her: i want you to hurt me

me: your sister’s more successful than you

her: wait

me: not a big fan of the new haircut

her: stop

13.

When you were too young to be listening to certain music, but that didn’t stop you from rocking out:

Akon: I see you winding and grinding up on that pole I know you see me loooking at you and I want you to know 10 year old me: I WANNA FUCK YOU https://t.co/2i08ZO75w7

Akon: I see you winding and grinding up on that pole I know you see me loooking at you and I want you to know

10 year old me: I WANNA FUCK YOU https://t.co/2i08ZO75w7

14.

It’s probably bad to laugh at this one too, but you’re going to do it anyway:

16.

This one goes out to all the gays:

17.

Seriously, just try to not giggle:

18.

And one more for the gays (let’s hope this one is true):

gay sex is a sin but so is premarital sex so if you have gay premarital sex the sins cancel out like pemdas

gay sex is a sin but so is premarital sex so if you have gay premarital sex the sins cancel out like pemdas

19.

This hilarious misunderstanding:

21.

Somehow we’ve made it thus far without making a sugar daddy joke, but that ends here:

22.

And how about another one for good measure:

I don’t want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. I just hit him up like “Hey how are you today?” and he replies “Doing great thanks for asking here’s $7,000. “

I don’t want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. I just hit him up like “Hey how are you today?” and he replies “Doing great thanks for asking here’s $7,000. “

23.

When the sass gets a little out of hand:

my mom said

my mom said “what are y’all gonna do when I die and leave?” and my sister said “Bitch imma do me” lmaaaooooo I hate this house

24.

OK, try to picture this insane scenario without cracking up:

spiked seltzer water seems like such an innocent and refreshing beverage until you’re laying by the pool at 11:30 AM on a sunday screaming fleetwood mac while your neighbors are getting home from church

spiked seltzer water seems like such an innocent and refreshing beverage until you’re laying by the pool at 11:30 AM on a sunday screaming fleetwood mac while your neighbors are getting home from church

25.

And this one too:

i’m at someone’s house and this tall as shit guy just snorted a line off the top of the refrigerator

i’m at someone’s house and this tall as shit guy just snorted a line off the top of the refrigerator

26.

And definitely this unfortunate scene:

27.

And last but not least, this heartwarming love story that somehow involves projectile vomiting and a ferris wheel:

my cousin went to pride years ago and threw up on someone on a ferris wheel- fast forward 10 years, him and his husband were talking about pride and his husband told him a story about when he was thrown up on at pride- my cousin threw up on his husband 5 years before they met

my cousin went to pride years ago and threw up on someone on a ferris wheel- fast forward 10 years, him and his husband were talking about pride and his husband told him a story about when he was thrown up on at pride- my cousin threw up on his husband 5 years before they met

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